(with writing help from Dr. Anna, Camden Pet Hospital)
*Woof!* My name is Theo, and I need to tell you about the absolute chaos that happens every October 31. My humans call it “Halloween,” but I call it “The Night Everything Goes Bonkers.”
It starts several days, if not weeks before, when my hoomans begin acting strange. They hang fake spider webs (which smell nothing like real spiders, by the way), and put orange lights everywhere. My nose tells me something big is coming – there’s excitement in the air, mixed with the scent of tiny candy. Then the wacky night begins …
*DING DONG!* My ears perk up. Intruder alert! I spring into action, racing to the front door with my most intimidating bark. “WOOF WOOF WOOF! I’M HERE! I’M PROTECTING THE HOUSE!” But when my hoomans open the door, instead of fleeing in terror from these tiny freakish humans with masks and sequins and all the swooshy scary fabric, they just stand there and give them candy! What kind of bonkers situation is this? How do my hoomans seem to know that candy keeps them at bay? Barking should scare them off but it didn’t seem to. Maybe I just need to be MORE ENTHUSIASTIC!
The constant doorbell was exhausting. *DING DONG!* “WOOF!” *DING DONG!* “WOOF WOOF!” By the fourth or fifth group of tiny freakish visitors, my hoomans were giving me that look – you know the one – that says “Please calm the heck down, Theo.”
The real challenge came when a miniature werewolf appeared at our door. Now, I know what you’re thinking – shouldn’t I recognize a fellow canine? But this “wolf” walked on two legs, smelled like rubber and synthetic fur, and made no attempt to properly sniff my behind as greeting protocol demands. Clearly an impostor! I gave this fake wolf my most suspicious stare until it left with its candy tribute.
As the night wore on, I developed a system. I’d still alert the family to each doorbell (it’s my job, after all), but I learned to read the situation or maybe I was getting a little more relaxed from those magic pills my hoomans gave me earlier?
Last thing you need to hear from me is if you’re stressed out when there’s a lot of activity at the door you must ask your hoomans to go get the magic pills! That’s right; there are magic pills that make the chaos of ‘the night everything goes bonkers’ way less scary, and actually there’s a magic gel too that is AMAZING for helping me with the panic that can seem to overtake me when I start hearing commotion sounds. If you want the magic pills, you have to play by the rules and you have to be up to date with your veterinarian (legally they have to have seen your pet within the year to prescribe that magical stuff). I just love that I feel much calmer, the noises seem less intense, and I might even just have a nap while all that commotion is going on. In the past, on the night everything goes bonkers, I remember I would get so anxious that I would just start whining, panting, my feet and chest would get wet from my drool, I would even tremble and pace the entire night!
If you happen to find yourself in a household that doesn’t have magic pills or gel, cotton balls in the ears can help, so can drowning out the noise and activity by turning on music or the TV and going in the basement or somewhere it’s a lot quieter. Sometimes, as long as I’m not too wound up, it can help to get some special treats every time I hear a *DING DONG*, it helped me feel a little less worried and on high alert anyway. We’ve even practiced this with my hooman’s friends showing up at the door with treats they give me after ringing the doorbell – I loved that!
I’ve learned sometimes the scariest-looking visitors are just neighbors in creative disguises, and that my job isn’t to eliminate every perceived threat – just to let my family know they’re there. But this has taken years to figure out and the magic pills really helped me think rather than panic. I think next year, I’m definitely going to insist on a costume of my own. I’m thinking “Super Guard Dog” has a nice ring to it, even if I end up napping by the door.
Good luck with the upcoming ‘Halloween’ all my goodpuppies! Take it easy on the snacks and remember chocolate is “not for dogs.” Another Halloween mystery I may never solve. *Woof!*
With lots of wuv, your faithful companion, Theo